ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Randomize
