so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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