I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
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