I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
