She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
