all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Sacagawea was the original milf.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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