Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
