I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
