After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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