There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
