Is it normal to miss your booty call?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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