nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
