yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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