I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
