Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
