Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
