And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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