sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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