I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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