It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
