Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
