Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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