Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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