I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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