Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
