I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
