How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
so that wasnt chicken after all
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize