I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
