i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It's shark week go big or go home
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
