.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
