I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
