4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
