Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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