Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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