sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
In other news, I just burned my penis
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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