my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
