She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize