I must be too annoying 4 u.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
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