You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
