But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
