who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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