You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
