Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
