I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
