I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
