this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Randomize
