All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize