A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize