so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
