we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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