Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
