i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
