dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
