that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize