There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize