Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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