He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
please come you make the beer taste better
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize