You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
