So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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