I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
