Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
