Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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