Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
