found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
