for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
