My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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