i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
