Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
