too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
