You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Help. Why am I so naked?
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